The Five Annoying People In The Lift

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The lift is a strange place. It’s the smallest place where people gather together despite not knowing one another. I don’t particular like lifts except it brings you to places where your legs may not really want to. Lifts being small confined spaces becomes uncomfortable and awkward when it gets too crowded. When the sides of the lift are occupied and you stand in the middle of nowhere in the lift, facing your own reflection on the lift door, it becomes weird. Where do you look?

Then again, being alone in the lift isn’t too bad. You get to indulge in yourself, touch up your hair, pick your nose until…the lift door opens, someone walks in.

It’s a lift, not shopping center 

You stop looking at the mirror and obviously stop picking your nose. Maybe some people do continue with whatever they were doing, I don’t know, but I don’t. You step back for strangers to come in and wait for the lift door to  close. It never closes. Until like it is meant to close by itself. Why the hell do people not press the freaking [><] button? It is damn annoying when someone walks in, stare at the phone and expect the door to close. You’re walking into a lift, not a shopping center. The door’s not exactly automatic, crap.

There are fakers around

Then, have you ever in your younger days act as though the lift is already full by standing very near to the door and pretend like you are already squeezed for space? You will not believe it but people in office wear still do the same shit. When the space behind them can fill a cow, they choose to stand near the door and thus to the less eagle-eyed office worker, they wait for the next lift. But not me. I’ve played this game before so I know. You wanna act like the lift is full so later you have lots of space, right? Move to the back @%^%#!

Buzz off

On the other hand, there are times when it is really very packed. Like you are already contorting your body in an uncomfortable position and this one person is still trying to fit himself in. OMG. Get a life and wait for the next one bro. In times like these, everyone in the lift quietly hopes for the “overloaded” buzzer to sound so he will be shamed out.

Your grandfather’s lift

If your office is on the 48th floor, try getting stuck with two other folks in the lift yakking loudly and living in their own world. Like a movie trailer, you will know bits and pieces of their stories and you will try to piece it together. It’s pretty interesting actually, kind of like an insight into some stranger’s life, like an audio stalker if you will. Besides, at times you pick up nuggets of information on current affairs or celebrity gossip like some radio channel. However, it becomes annoying when you are not in the mood for these. You can’t mute the channel, you can’t lower the volume and you can’t shout at the deejay and tell him to shut up and play some songs instead. After all, it’s a public lift, not your grandfather’s lift.

Stink bombs

I’ve been lucky. Not since many many years ago have I encountered stink bombs in the lift. Yup. Fart. You know the type where everyone gives the “who-the-hell-is-it look” when someone silent farts? Arghhhhh! Or when you walk into an empty lift only to find out someone left a stink bomb before exiting the lift. Kill me.

When I’m not at work, I’m into the arts, music and history. Football’s my other big love so if I’m not around museums and galleries, I’m probably on the field. If I still can’t be found, I’m having my me time.